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What happens when your partner doesn't see the value in you and continuously hurts you by searching for something in others knowing it hurts you?

12.06.2025 05:06

What happens when your partner doesn't see the value in you and continuously hurts you by searching for something in others knowing it hurts you?

I would leave this partner to grant him full freedom to go find whatever he is looking for and spend the time and energy that I put into that relationship getting to know myself. What I would find is someone flawed and worthy of love.

If my “partner” didn’t see value in me and hurt me searching for something in others, I would remind myself that I cannot change people, “make them see” or “make them love me”.

“Making someone love me” is the most painful, most fruitless of efforts, because love cannot be manufactured in this way.

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I would work hard at only being interested in people who are equally interested in me.

What happens?

I would ask myself why I consider it worth my time to be with someone who does not find me valuable. Identifying this answer will over time protect me from finding myself in this same predicament over and over.

I caught my husband of 20 years looking at inappropriate pics of women on TikTok or Instagram. I'm not sure., but when I told him he got mad and made excuses of why they popped up. I then told him how I've snuck on his phone and saw what he's been looking at . We had a horrible big fight. I asked him why did he even marry me when I see the type he likes . Nothing like me, I'm petite, blonde and blue eyes. These women are dark haired dark eyed and have curvy bodies, large breasts, etc. I just don't feel the same about him after this. I can't get over this

In one scenario, I stay with this partner, wonder why he doesn’t love me, and begin living in a world of my creation where I believe that, unfortunately, I am not worth loving.

I would realize that it’s not my partner who is hurting me. I am hurting myself, by agreeing to stay with someone who is looking for something he is not finding in me.

I believe this non-love is the best I can do and spend all my time and energy attempting to preserve the very thing that causes me pain.

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There is another scenario:

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